Resting

While optimistic, I finished my last post with some questions, at least the question “Do I have the energy to maintain mindfulness in my busy life?” And the answer is yes, I am just learning how to do it. In the twenty-four hours that passed after that post, I just learned that sometimes one must sleep, drop the discipline and just sleep. Knowing when to push and when to relax is a tricky balance for me.

Tired at the end of week 4, but excited to continue

Lately, I have been sharing quotations, ideas, research, etc. all designed to encourage my students to fully see the opportunity that they have when studying music. And I have been sticking to my own self-discipline of getting up early to have some centering time and being mindful of the way I practice and interact with others.

But today was different. I woke up about 6am, but tired, from getting to bed later this week because of orchestra rehearsals. And my daughter Sylvia was up by 6:15, so the centering time didn’t happen, and I didn’t think that I had the ability to concentrate as I usually can. I spent long stretches of time in my head, not thinking about anything important, but just feeling more scattered than normal.

Teaching was nice, focus was there during those hours. I had some writing to do today though, and found it hard to concentrate. Several times, I felt the self-protection of ego surge a bit today, a kind of “hey, wait a minute, this shouldn’t be happening” voice emerged, and I recognized the voice, but it felt like I hadn’t heard this voice in a while.

In rehearsal, I was continuing to explore generating the strength and center in my sound from the physical center of my spine, and without my normal concentration in place, it was much harder to do this. The kinaesthetic place I had been finding easily on Wednesday and Thursday was available, but more elusive on Friday. How did I find my way back? I imagined myself as my students as I was guiding them this week. I REMINDED MYSELF OF THE SAME ADVICE I HAD GIVEN STUDENTS, and then I was able to reconnect to that orientation.

This is important for me to say, because students need to know that we all are searching, all trying to connect to our freest, most efficient versions of our musicianship, and our selves. Every day isn’t better than the previous one, there are ebbs and flows.

So I am having a day where I feel a little off-pace, and what I am struck by is how familiar today felt, but how seldom I have been in this place lately. Thus, in one instant I am scolding myself for not being at my best today, but also noticing that I really like the direction that I am going most days. I am also noticing how tiring this discipline can be, but having tasted both ways of being, it is absolutely clear to me that the disciplined road that includes regular time for silence and contemplation is the no-brainer choice.

I think some of my students are in that place too–like me, they are experiencing themselves differently from day to day, and are seeing the path to being the happiest person and musician they can be. It is hard to stop our patterns of worry, self-loathing, comparison to others, perfectionism, etc. but some are seeing that they have a choice, and are setting their intentions. That is all we can do, set intentions, and then accept those off-days like I am having today. Intentions matter. If I remain open to my own experience, I will learn more from this day, because we kind of have to taste “too cold” and “too hot” in order to know what is “just right.”

As I see this growth in my students I am filled with gratitude for their trust in me and I am so happy to see them showing themselves and their personalities emerging in ways I haven’t seen before. They should know that all the positive energy I am witnessing motivates me to continue offering the level of energy and commitment they have seen from me so far this semester. I am certain that I am learning at least as much from my students as they are learning from me. This is a community at its best, where energy from individuals combines into synergy, and this collective energy feeds on itself, becoming much greater and much more important than the sum of the individual energies. Let’s continue this together. Please encourage me, and I will encourage you.

Destiny Springs From Small Things

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

Playing Music – An Opportunity to Be Present

“It’s only if we are awake in our bodies that we can really touch what matters to us in our lives. Everything that is really important, whether it be wisdom, creativity, or love, requires that we are HERE, in a very immediate way.” – Tara Brach

Playing an instrument is a great opportunity to enjoy the moment. In this way we can trust that time spent playing our instrument is an opportunity to touch what is most important, to be fully embodied, and to engage deeply with our lives.

Trust

“One of the greatest challenges for all musicians is to trust themselves to succeed on the stage, trust their audiences to be receptive and above all trust music itself to touch the audience.” – Pedro deAlcantara

At odds with the “Classical World”, Keating makes her own niche

Plagued by the expectations of perfection in classical music, cellist Zoë Keating developed her own improvisation-centered genre.

 

http://www.npr.org/2011/09/06/140069246/zoe-keating-a-symphony-unto-herself

Why Should I Practice?

Because when you have the courage to get your instrument, assemble it, and go, you are cultivating the emotional skills of the “can do” person.

Because when you learn to encounter each challenge you face in your music with a nonjudgmental, gentle willingness to try again, you learn how to strive in a positive way.

Because the awareness that you cultivate when playing your instrument keeps you connected to your body, emotions, and thought processes, which is an awareness that — if cultivated — can lead to great understanding of one’s self. This process can be painful. However, that pain does not compare to the pain of reaching the end of your life, only to realize that you never really understood yourself, that you never really lived authentically.

Because in music there is a great capacity to cultivate self-love and discipline, a powerful combination. Through our instrument we are teaching ourselves to love ourselves, and this is hard work, but worth it.

Because all that you learn when learning an instrument, if you are really paying attention, also teaches you how to be a better human being, how to appreciate and live life fully. So, even if you quit playing some day, you are still all the richer for your experience.

Because when you make yourself vulnerable enough to perform for other people, you expand your ability to feel the full range of human emotion, you learn what it really means to be alive as a human being.

Because when you share music with others, you remind them that there is something untouchable, ungraspable about being alive, that there are forces beyond our capacity to comprehend, and getting a glimpse of that mystery is a beautiful thing.